iJust Want This Night To End
by T0ran
Summary: Spencer is getting ditched at a club. Drunk and frustrated he goes home and laments his, Carly's and Sam's inability to find a match. His night gets worse when he finds out he is wrong about that. CAM
1. Chapter 1

**Thoughts before starting:**

**Last time I wrote a longer, coherent English text:**  
**a bit over 2 years ago**

**Last time I wrote something fictional for recreation:**  
**6 years ago, give or take**

**Last time I wrote something fictional in English for recreation:**  
**I actually think this shall be the first time.**

**So here I am. Finally bored enough to write this thing down. I basically just want to get this idea out of my head that's been ghosting around in there for six months by now.**  
**I have no bloody clue what I'm doing, probably won't do it again and would appreciate your opinion on it.**

**As you probably knew when you clicked on this story, this is gonna be Spencer's POV with a pairing of Carly and Sam.**

**Even if I'm quite sure disclaimers don't technically hold any legal value, here is one for tradition's sake:**  
**This is a derivative work inspired by iCarly, created by Dan Schneider and produced by Nickelodeon, and no profit will be obtained from it.**

* * *

"Bing"

Slowly the Abyss opens its jaws and you stare at the darkness at its heart. You can feel it staring back, ready to swallow you whole. And you welcome it. You just want this night to end.

_That aren't jaws, that are the elevator doors.  
That's no abyss, that's the hallway. It's vertical, among other things.  
It's dark, because you're too damn wasted to find a freaking light switch in your own apartment building.  
Now fucking MOVE before that goddamn elevator closes again._

You stumble forward through the shrinking gap. You're quite sure the floor is not supposed to be spinning the way it is. You're not used to that much booze pumping through your veins. You throw up into a conveniently near plant pot. Fuck this, you're never drinking again. Slouching towards your apartment door you start rummaging through your pockets for the apartment keys. They are found pleasantly fast and promptly land on the floor. Of course. Cursing whatever deity is willing to listen, you pick them up, unlock the door and step inside.

Home. Finally. Now you can go to bed and put an end to this nightmare of an evening.

_Eat something first and drink some water. That might at least ease that hangover you're gonna have in the morning._

The fridge looks emptier than when you left. Right, Sam's over. There had definitely been some left-overs you had planned to eat later, that are gone now. As is, weirdly, the chocolate sauce.  
After settling for making a tuna sandwich you sit at the counter and think about how you ended up in this situation.

_  
You had had such a beautiful plan:  
Go to that club; Find a willing, equally horny chick; End this eternal dry spell.  
Step one and two had even worked quite well. Socko, his new girlfriend Thrice and you arrived and you soon managed to chat up some quite hot girl. The two of you didn't have the least in common. When she talked, you just zoned out and nodded and laughed when it seemed appropriate. You knew she was doing the same. It wasn't gonna work long term, but she didn't seem to be looking for that. Good, neither were you. You're not even sure you got her name, but hell, you were convinced you were getting lucky tonight...

You got up to get another round of drinks for the four of you. At the bar you turned around to look at your booth. Thrice was whispering something into Whats-her-name's ear. First she just laughed, then she smirked and winked back at Thrice. Socko noticed you watching but avoided your gaze. You wondered what that was about. You should have seen it coming then.

At that moment your drinks were ready. You paid and tried to balance four glasses in your grip. That by far wasn't your first drink that night, so it turned out quite a feat. When you turned back around you only saw the three of them heading for the exit, Thrice having a hand on each Socko's and Whatever's ass. Socko looked back your way and shot you an apologetic look. He held up a hand, three fingers raised, and mouthed a "Sorry, Dude".

So much for getting lucky...  
You stood there frozen on the spot, the four drinks still in your grip until some idiot nearly ran into you, causing you spill one of the glasses in your hand. You turned back around towards the bar and downed all three remaining drinks in a row. You swore, through the haze of rapidly onsetting intoxication, next time you'd see Socko, you'd fucking kill that treacherous asshole.  
_

Some noise from upstairs snaps you out of your thoughts.. You had nearly dozed off at the counter, your half eaten sandwich still in your hand. The noise sounded suspiciously like a moan and a quite ecstatic one at that. Carls and Sam must be still up watching some movie.

_What the hell are they watching, that involves that kind of moan?_

You decide to let it slide and not to storm into Carly's room and destroy that DVD threatening your baby sister's innocence.  
First of all they still think they were having an unsupervised movie night and just because your night sucks you don't have to wreck theirs. Secondly, you hate to admit it, but your "baby sister" and her best friend aren't kids anymore. Let them have their fun tonight.  
Plus you're still drunk enough so that trying to claim moral high ground on them would likely backfire.

You start musing about how they're having as little luck with boys as you're with women. While you can't say you're sorry that your little sister doesn't seem to be able to have a relationship lasting longer than a few weeks, she's your innocent "baby sister" after all, you still think it would be nice for her to find a guy that made her happy for a while for once. Not "too happy" of course, cause then you'd have to break every last fucking bone in that bastard's body.

Come to think of it, you don't recall hearing something about a new boyfriend or even "some hot guy" from either your sister or Sam for months now. That's odd, seeing that they went through short-lived boyfriends and crushes at an damn nearly alarming rate in the past. Well, they're probably just fed up with jerkasses trying to shove their tongues down their throats. A change that's gonna let you sleep a lot easier at night, as you won't have to worry about Carly sneaking out at night to do something stupid with some horny asshole she met two weeks ago or something.

You finish the sandwich and get up with a sigh. This night was long enough. You decide to check on the girls to let them know you're back before finally going to bed. You head for the stairs and go upstairs. Arriving at the top you see the door to Carly's room is slightly ajar. You get a glimpse of the inside. You're raising your arm to knock and announce your return when your brain processes what it is seeing inside the room and spontaneously shuts down, leaving you once again frozen on the spot.

* * *

**Thoughts after writing:**

**This looks shorter than I expected.**  
**It probably shows that my English skills are a bit rusty.**  
**And that I have no idea how to construct a story or how to keep people in character.**  
**At least it is out of my head now...**

**Not sure about the genre and rating...**

**So, what do you think? What rookie mistakes did step right into?**

**Anyone interested in seeing how this continues?**  
**What did Spencer see? (Yeah, that's gonna be a surprise...)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Then Syllikmas entered, and, seeing that we were so intimate, sat down upon the bench. Taking Glottis on one knee and Kyse on the other, she began:**

_FACT: Carly and Sam are having a sleepover in Carly's room._

**"Come here, my dear." But I remained away. Then she went on: "Are you afraid of us? Come closer: these children truly love you. They can teach you things you do not know about: the honey-like caresses of a girl.**

_FACT: This is Carly's room._

**"Man is violent and lazy. You doubtless know him well. Then hate him. He has a flattened breast, rough skin, short hair and shaggy arms. But women are entirely beautiful.**

_FACT: Two people are having sex inside this room..._

**"And only women know the art of love; stay with us, Bilitis, do stay. And if you have a truly ardent spirit, you'll see your beauty as within a glass upon the bodies of your mistre-"**

"Oh GOD FUCK YEEES"

That slaps your mind back into reality. You're not sure which one of the two that was and you really don't want to know.

_It was Sam..__._

Damn it.

The shock seems to have sobered you up a bit. Your thoughts are racing.  
Alright, so you caught Carly making love. Keep calm. You prepared for this situation. Back when you first gave her your permission to date, you made a plan. A mature, completely sensible plan just in case you had to defend her virtue.  
You'd storm into that room; grab that bastard by his stinking balls; drag him, by his balls, into the darkest alley you'd find and beat him to a fucking pulp. The last part probably with Sam's help.

_Do I have to point out the problems with that plan and this situation or are you getting there yourself?_

Wait a minute. You think you can actually feel your heart stop when another _FACT_ hits you.  
Sam. Your surroundings are starting to spin again. You try to be quiet when moving backwards towards the stairs.  
Samantha... Get down there. Get to the bathroom. Bathroom.  
Sam as in 'girl'. You reach the toilet and just let yourself fall to your knees.  
Carly, your female little sister Carly, is a few dozen feet away having lesbian girl-on-girl sex with Sam, another female girl. You stare down into the toilet at what was once a tuna sandwich.

You don't know how long you sit there before you stand and clean yourself up. Okay, calm down, you're overreacting.  
She's still your sister and you love her. She's the same person you watched grow up, the same girl you made breakfast this morning, who you said goodbye to just a few hours ago. And Sam's still Sam. Whom you honestly suspected to be not completely straight for some time. Who'd never hurt Carly and would literally rip apart anyone daring to do so. Who more or less lives here anyway. Whom you've come to think of as basically another little sister. Ugh, on second thought that last one is pretty disturbing right now.

So, Carly and Sam are gay...  
Are they? Given a little time to get over the awkwardness you'd be Ok with that, but this could be just some friends with benefits deal. Or a one time thing and your usual bad timing. You honestly don't know which one of those you'd prefer.  
Damn it, you're going to have to talk to them about it, won't you? Something you really wish you could avoid. You once tried to give Carly The Talk. When she realized you panicked and fled even faster than she did. Nevertheless, you should go up there and confront them; get it over with.

_You just found out your sister is probably a lesbian and your first reaction was to barf. Now you want to go up there, where she is in bed with her girlfriend. All while you're still reeking of booze and vomit. Yeah, no way that could go wrong..._

Damn it, you need a plan. You can barely keep yourself on your feet anymore. The initial shock subsided, leaving you physically and emotionally drained.  
You'll think of something tomorrow. You half slouch, half crawl towards your room. You hear something between an inarticulate cry and moan from upstairs and shudder. When you reach your bed you just curl up and hope that you'll be able to drift off to sleep somehow. You wish this night had never happened.

A few hours later you are more or less still in the same position. You only moved to get a pillow to press to your ears when you heard more noise from upstairs.  
You eventually even managed to sleep for a bit, only to be haunted by dreams of Socko apologizing for hooking up with Sam and your tuna sandwich, while being stranded on the other side of the galaxy with Carly's principal. Hopefully that one will fade from memory soon...  
At least the alcohol has been flushed from your system. Your throat hurts from throwing up twice last night and your head feels like someone is trying to smash your brains out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a brick of gold, but you can think clearly again.  
In your mostly sleepless night you've had time to plan your next steps.

You're not gonna confront the girls. Forcing them to come out would probably be a bad move.  
You figure you'll drop hints that you at least suspect something might be going on between them and that they'd have your support.  
You'll let them know that they can trust you and that you'll always be there for them no matter what. If they bite and decide to come out to you, you plan on giving them The Talk. That part won't be fun, but the two of them have to be educated and you highly doubt they had done that themselves before... getting busy. You shudder again, hazy images from last night flashing before your mind's eye.  
After breakfast, you are going to start by going to some LGBT organisation to get some pamphlets. You're not gonna run into this blindly.  
Of course, that quite optimistic plan means you'll have to get through breakfast with the girls without letting them know that you know.  
But you're Spencer Shay; you have that much self control, right?

You get up and go to your bathroom to get some aspirin. After that you go to the kitchen to start making breakfast. Scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.  
Sam's favourite and damn good in case of hangovers. Soon a pan sizzles on the stove and you're getting some plates from a cupboard. You hear them before you see them. They're still upstairs giggling, you're not sure you want to know about what.

_Alright, act normal, you can do this._

They appear at the top of the stairs and you get a glimpse of them holding hands before they hurriedly separate when they see you standing in the kitchen area. You force a smile while you find yourself unable to look either of them directly into the eyes.  
"'Morning, Spencer!" "Yeah, what she said. 'Sup Spence?" they greet you cheerfully. You're still smiling like an idiot when you greet them back.  
"'Morning girls. Did ya sleep alright? Nothing keeping you two up all night?"

_Shut up. Keep calm. Don't blow this._

They're looking at you confused, but just shake their heads. You fill three plates with food and place them on the table.  
While eating you try to keep quiet and not to arise any more suspicion. Watching them eat you wonder how you could have not noticed it before:  
The looks they thought you didn't see, their finger touching a bit too long when passing the jelly. You can't do this; you're going to explode.

_No, calm down, just a few more minutes. Then you can make up some excuse about going to the junkyard and get out of here to get these pamphlets._

_"_Hey, Spencer are you okay? You're pouring coffee onto your eggs." Carly asks you with a worried look. Damn it. Your face muscles are starting to hurt from that smile.  
"Yeah I'm alright, I do that sometimes, I'm an artist, A VERY OPEN MINDED ARTIST with whom you can talk about ANYTHING that bothers you. I wanted to try eggs with coffee, I LIKE TO EXPERIMENT JUST AS MUCH AS ANYONE HERE!"

_SHUT UP! Stop screaming. You can still turn this around. Don't make it worse. Don't point at the door, don't shout "_SAM! OUT! NOW!"

Huh, that's a pretty specific order. You notice your sister and her girlfriend staring at you like you'd finally gone over the edge.  
You also notice your arm being raised and in line with the front door. Oh... Fuck.  
You take a deep breath. There goes the plan. Another one. Alright, no way back now. Damage control.  
"Sam, please. Everything's alright. Carly will give you a call later." She exchanges a bewildered look with Carly but gets up, taking her bacon filled plate and moves towards the door.

As soon as Sam's gone Carly shoots you a glare. "Spencer! What the-" You hold up your hand to cut her off. You still can't bring yourself to look her in the eye.  
You swallow hard; there's no way left to postpone this. "Ask me how my date was." You force it out, sounding more agitated than you intended. Your sister's furious.  
"What has that got to do with-?" You cut her off again, fruitlessly trying to calm your voice. "Ask me. About. MY DATE."  
"Alright! How was your stupid date? Couldn't have been that great, I don't see another one of your ganks at this table." You wince at that, but you had that one coming.

"It was terrible. A complete and utter failure. So I was home early." Your voice's raising further. Her eyes go wide as the pieces start to fall into place.  
"And I went upstairs to see if my LITTLE SISTER WAS OK..." you're yelling in blind panic by now.

Carly's face turns bright red before all colour fades from it. "Oh my god, Spencer, that was..., we were..., it wasn't what it-" She looks close to tears now.  
That sight makes you pull yourself together. Carly needs you; she needs you sane, calm and understanding. You close your eyes and take another deep breath.  
"Carly, please. Don't. As a wise man once said 'There's no way you can remove your head from another girl's crotch in a nonchalant manner'. It's alright Carls..."  
You finally manage to look her in the eye. "It's alright." You pull her into a hug and she starts sobbing into your shoulder.

After a few minutes you manage to soothe her enough to try and talk to her again. "How long?" She averts your gaze, words still interrupted by occasional hiccups.  
"About three months now. We were having a sleepover. Sam somehow had aced a test and snuck up some wine coolers. We were celebrating and..." she blushes. "... things happened."  
Luckily for her you have bigger issues right now than your underage sister drinking. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I'm sorry. I was scared, I guess. I didn't want to disappoint you."  
"Are you happy?" She blinks at you, thrown off by the question, but nods smiling through tears. "Then I'm happy. You could never disappoint me, Kiddo. you're my sister and I'm proud of you."  
This time its her turn to hug you. "Thank you, Spencer. Love you" "Love you too, Kiddo. You do realize that Sam's not gonna set a foot into your bedroom again until the three of us sat down and had The Talk, right?" you add after a pause.

She breaks away from you, her face turning bright pink again. "What? No, no, that isn't... we already..."  
"I know you did and that image is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life." You say, another shiver running down your spine.  
"But this is important. I need to know you're..." Its your turn to blush and look away again. "I need to know you're safe. Besides, this is gonna be more horrifying for me than for you two."  
She eventually nods, obviously embarrassed. "Don't make it too weird and I'll tell Sam not to tell you what parts of what you'll talk about we already did."  
Yup, that sounds like Sam. The thought alone makes you want to barf again. "Deal." You manage an genuine smile through the awkwardness. "Speaking of which. Go call your ...girlfriend," Damn that's going to take some getting used to. "tell her I'm sorry about earlier. Invite her over for dinner." You suggest reaching for your jacket. "Where're you going?"  
"Getting educated." You answer her, getting your phone out to search for the nearest chapter of PFLAG.

* * *

**The poem at the beginning is an excerpt from The Songs of Bilitis by ****Pierre Louÿs.**

**The wise man quoted is Jeph Jacques, author of the webcomic Questionable Content. The quote is from page 165.**

**This took way longer then it should have, but I rewrote most of it twice and am still not completely contend.  
I hope I matched the tone from chapter 1.  
It came out a little angstier and sappier than planned, but whatever.  
**

**I think some fileformat change while writing ate some apostrophes.  
**

**Thank you, everyone who took the time to read it.  
**

**Further thanks to everyone who added me or the story to their fav's and alerts, I'm honored.  
**

**Very Special Thanks to**

**SparkleHorse  
dpp3530  
berrycherrybaby  
Atychiphobia  
Atlantic Sample  
**

**I now understand the meaning of "Reviews are the Crack of Fanfiction".  
Thank you guys.  
**

**What else did I learn from this?  
Reviews are awesome, I will try to write more in the future myself.  
Writing is hard, my respect for regular authors climbed to new heights.  
**

**Do I plan to write more?  
Not for now. This will probably be a one time thing.  
**

**So long, guys.**

**Toran  
**


End file.
